Free Me From 3D
by Magnus The Wolf
Summary: Jill Valentine is about to star in a new Resident Evil video game, but first she has some complaints to voice to the designer...


_Author's Notes: This is a little story that popped into my head recently starring Jill Valentine. She's about to star in a new Resident Evil video game but has some complaints to voice to the designer first. I am poking fun at the sterotype designers, (I'm a designer myself and I realise MANY of are are NOT AT ALL like that.) We're actually really cool and fun people, but hey it's fun to poke at humorous sterotypes sometimes. Hope ya likes and let me know what ya thinks._

_Warnings: This story is rated for language and themes. _

_Disclaimer: Jill Valentine and Resident Evil belong to Capcom not lil ol' me. :)_

**Free Me From 3D**

Jill paced across the computer screen waiting for the man to arrive. He was already late but could she honestly act shocked? When had she known any graphic designers to be on time? Never. They didn't care. She could sit in that little render window all day as far as they were concerned while they enjoyed their coffee and their cars and every other little perk those humans got to indulge, or over indulge in.

She sighed long and hard, reminding herself she had an appointment and had to remain there for the other half of her party. She had more than a few complaints and suggestions for the upcoming Resident Evil game and wasn't going to miss out on an opportunity to voice them straight to that arrogant, coffee drinking, money grubbing, thoughtless designer's face. No way.

After a few more minutes had passed Jill's impatience grew and she tired of wiggling in her spot and stepped closer to the monitor screen.

"Hey!" she yelled pressing her rendered hands to the monitor. "Hey, airheads! I'm waiting here!"

Looking out across the computer lab Jill could find no sign of life in sight and she slammed her fists against the monitor once more hoping of attaining someone's attention.

"No, no, don't all coming running at once now. Keep eating your donuts and playing your games, boys," she commented in annoyed sarcasm. "Isn't that just like a man? Only there when they wanna be not when I need them. Of course. Well, until they want a lil entertainment then they'll come crawling back. Hey, there's Jill, make her wiggle around, oh look at Jill let's watch as fifty fuckin' zombies eat her brains out!"

Now angrier than before Jill slammed her hands on the screen again before a magazine cover caught her attention on the far corner of the desk, a naked woman gracing the front and Jill sighed in the realization.

"No wonder. I hope they at least wash their hands this time."

Knowing she probably had a little while longer to wait Jill dropped her hands to her sides in a huff, turning to go and sit against the wall when a man's voice caught her attention.

"Jill, right on time," he said and she turned around huffing at the man.

"Yeah, how come you weren't?"

"I'm sorry, princess, but I have a lot of work to do for the game. While we're on the subject I understand you had some concerns you wanted to voice."

"Yes I have some concerns. I have more than a few concerns."

Jill looked around realizing there was nowhere to sit in the render screen.

"How about a chair, genius?" she asked waving her hand in question.

"Of course," the man responded dragging a fully rendered blue chair from a different window into the opened one allowing the dark haired woman to sit herself down.

Crossing her legs Jill rested her arms on the armrest and contemplated where to start.

"First things first, Mr. designer, I want you and all your little sexually deprived, glasses wearing, greasy foreheaded havin', Stark Trek watchin' friends in that board room of yours to understand this; I am not happy with my occupation."

"Really? Well please tell me, why is that Ms. Valentine?"

"Oh, where to start?" she questioned wondering herself how to answer it. "Let's see, first," she began, standing up. "Let's talk about my wardrobe. Or lack there of actually. Who in their right mind thinks this is proper work attire? And for fighting zombies, zombie dogs, and monsters no less!"

"Well, Jill, you see your wardrobe is part of the aspect of the game," the designer tried to compensate for the scantly clad attire.

"Well have you ever tried to kill zombies, flee down a corridor, break through glass, and rescue the innocent in a tight black mini? Granted I know I look good and all, but this is just unacceptable. If you want me to appear in this new game there's gonna have to be a wardrobe change. I have done quite a bit of hard work and managed to pull it off and ninety percent of that time I was stuck in this outfit worried if I moved too fast I'd show more than just my fighting skills. Now I'm not saying we should demolish this outfit entirely, why not put it in a dresser for me so I have something to wear on a date?"

"A date?"

"Yes. I do enjoy other things besides killing the undead you know. We girls can have more than one use and interest."

"Of course I just meant-"

"And while we're on that subject how about giving me a nice bedroom where I can relax after a hard days work? Ya know maybe some general interest magazines or something. What is it with you people always work, work, work, let a girl relax jeez."

"You're proposing I should have a whole level where you…relax?"

"I didn't say that I just meant in general. Oh and ya know what would be good, a tanning bubble. If you're gonna make me wear these outfits I gotta get some color on this body."

"Jill, this new game is going to play like the fans want it to. You're going to look like you originally did, only better of course, and the game play is gonna be sleek and smooth, with no more mistakes."

Jill pouted knowing if she couldn't have a wardrobe changed then the other demands had better be met.

"Ok if you won't change the outfit then how about an option where I can cover myself up with my sweater? It gets cold on those streets ya know. Whose bright idea was it to put me in a mini skirt and then design a level in a cold alley anyway? Is that how they think girls live? Well I got news for you, buddy, we girls know how to accessorize and that is not even in the same town as accessorizing. Now I know I'm probably one of the only girls you have ever observed up close before, but you're way off with that, pal."

"Your fans like the outfit, Jill. It stays."

"Fine," she agreed throwing her hands up and plopping herself back into the chair. "Then how about you put the boys in some Speedos?"

"Speedos?" the designer echoed hardly believing his ears and raised his eyes, propping his elbow on the computer desk and resting his head on his palm.

"Yeah. Ya know we could even make a day out of it or something. Send us all to the beach. I can see it now, some toxic waste spills and starts to mutant the beach goers and I, surfing with Chris in a Speedo, have to rush to rescue the remaining citizens before it's too late. Now if you ask me that sounds much better than walking around a dull and cold alley don't cha think?"

"Well ya know I can workshop that," he responded thinking it over.

"Ok, ok, Mr. creativity, tell me what's you've got in this game. What can I expect?"

"Well, it's big. Lot's of levels, free roaming. Lots of weapons and enemies for you, Claire and Chris."

"Yeah and since you bring it up, who's headlining this game?" she asked crossing her arms awaiting his answer.

"Headlining?" the designer repeating not understanding the meaning of her inquiry.

"Yeah. Who's the main character?"

"Well, you are."

"Good but this time I want a nice big picture of me on the cover and a good one. I wanna be assigned the interesting missions."

"I'm sure your missions will be interesting, Jill."

"And I want my name on the back of the game case."

"I'm sure than can be arranged, Ms. Valentine."

"See that it is. Oh, and ya know what else you could run by the board in case you don't have a title yet I think "Valentine's Day Massacre" has a nice ring to it, or "Resident Evil: The Jill Valentine Saga." Yeah, that'll do."

"I'll check up on that, Jill."

"Really?"

"Well, we were kinda leaning towards the name "Resident Evil: Code CXS."

Jill rolled her eyes at the name not liking it one bit or even knowing what it was supposed to mean.

"That's the best they could do?"

"I thought of the name myself, Jill."

Jill laughed and rolled her eyes in sarcasm.

"Boy, you're really earning you hundred grand a year aren't ya?" she asked sarcastically.

"Will that be all, Jill?"

"No. One more thing. Sometimes I get tired and that ribbon tape crap is really annoying. How about enabling a save feature for once? Would it kill you?"

"I'll see what I can do."

"Alright. Now go back to your board meeting I'm sure you've missed most of the latest comic book discussion already."

"Alright. I'll see you later."

"And before you go, how about dropping me in a spa? Ya know that's what this new game needs too. After fighting the undead for hours on end a girl needs a little pick me up, and a gym would be nice too."

The designer dragged the rendered Jill into a fully working beach animation.

"This is the best I can do for now, Jill," he responded.

"Can I at least have some company?"

The designer opened up the fully rendered Chris and Claire and dropped them both into the scene.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now be good until I get back," the designer informed standing and preparing to leave.

"No promises," she informed winking as the man turned and walked away.

Jill turned to Chris and Claire and the three turned to start walking.

"Humans," Jill let out in a sigh. "I'll never understand 'em."

The End


End file.
